He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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