So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
