I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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