I looked at my own cervix.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize