dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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