Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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