we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
