no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
