I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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