So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
