I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
