This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
organizing the empties. That sober.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
