The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
