I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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