Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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