I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
