I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This house was built for laser tag.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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