Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
