I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
