brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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