she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
