so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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