walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
