Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
