If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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