the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
