So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
