I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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