Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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