Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
