While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
