I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize