addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
