I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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