I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
