we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
