I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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