he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
