Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize