38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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