if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
