i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
