I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
