no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
