My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
