if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
