i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize