making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
