so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
