Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
