is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
