my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
