Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize