gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
