I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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