I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
