Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
