sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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