Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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