he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize