Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
