ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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