you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
