dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
