Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize