I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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