My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
