3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
