we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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