I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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