I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my liver is dry heaving
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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