I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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