The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
