i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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