i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
