he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
