hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
