Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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