Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
