so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
