just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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