maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
