i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
