margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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