I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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