Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
