i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
