Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
