Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
