I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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