did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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