it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
