This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
