I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
