can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
