I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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