Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
