First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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