Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
