Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
