i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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