She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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