My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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