Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
