It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
