I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
