$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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