her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
