windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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