Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
