Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
