We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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